Easter

It's Easter Sunday! This day means the world to me and so, so many others. It's the greatest day in Christian history. This day gets me super giddy inside..I'm talking butterflies fluttering in my stomach, heart racing (and NOT the anxious kind but the super excited kind!!), tears welled up in my eyes type of giddy. We can't even fathom the death He endured for us, but He overcame death and rose from the grave! Jesus Christ died the worst death - a sinner's death - on a cross. The cross was vile, repulsive, and the worst way to go out. Yet, He lived sin-free and completely pure. 

He made the ultimate sacrifice for you and me so we could have life here on Earth. So that we could sin time after time and be forgiven over and over again. The LOVE that Christ showcased by that action absolutely boggles my mind. I didn't do anything to deserve that. He saw my pitiful, sin-filled, shame and guilt-ridden face that day on the cross. I don't understand. But the best part about it is that I don't have to understand. That's the beauty of grace. 

Death could not hold him, the grave could not keep Him from rising again!

Living - He loved me.
Dying - He saved me.
Buried - He carried my sins far away.
Rising - He justified freely forever.
One day He's coming,
Oh, Glorious Day!

Happy Easter, friends. He is Risen! My Redeemer lives!

Puppy Love

You guys. It's National Puppy Day! Anymore, these random holidays kind of spring up out of nowhere. So I'm not sure if this was even a holiday this time last year. If it was, I can assure you I did not celebrate. We found Luna online at a local breeder, instantly fell in love with her, and waited a few weeks until she was ready to come home. We got the call that she was ready, and were absolutely elated. Yes! A puppy will complete our family! Oh, how naive I was...

We brought Luna home on St. Patrick's Day last year. I did not know what I was in for. My self-centered world took a drastic turn as we welcomed this 2 pound yorkie into our home. 

Enjoying her first belly rub from her Papa Scott :) 

Jonathan and I got into an instant argument as soon as we got home about whether or not we should take her to my grandma's for our St. Patrick's Day dinner. We ended up not going. I couldn't believe what we had done. We had just thrown away life as we knew it: easy, simple, and no responsibilities. 

As the days and weeks passed on, I still couldn't bond with this dog. She was peeing and pooping everywhere. I couldn't get the training thing down. I would dread going home because I knew I was going to have to deal with her. Seriously, I cried every single time I looked at her. Jonathan was superman those first 3-4 months. He took her out every single time, played with her until she napped, and held her when she was being needy. 

We discussed giving her to family members to raise and have as their own. We briefly talked about taking her back. But in the back of our minds, we knew we had made a grown up decision and we were going to stick with it. 

I will say this: she only cried the second night we had her. She didn't make a peep the first night because I'm sure she was terrified. The second night she cried from 11:30-5 in the morning. Since then, she's been the best sleeper in the world! 

If we did one thing right, it was crate training. She loves her taxi and glady accepts going in when it's time for us to leave.

When we got Luna, my mind wasn't in the 'in it for the long haul' zone. The excitement of bringing a puppy home was short lived. But as time passed, somewhere along the way, I grew to be absolutely obsessed with this yorkie. She still makes me so mad sometimes. But we changed a few things about how we were raising her (we trained her to puppy pads..this has drastically changed our life! Think what you may...but she isn't your dog!) and that has made all the difference. Anymore, I can't imagine our lives without her. She is unashamedly our baby, and our little family of 3 is absolutely perfect for us right now. 

Lu is now around 6 pounds, has too much sass for her own good and if she isn't curled up in my lap sleeping, she's play-growling with her tail wagging, insinuating that she's ready for me to throw her plush octopus across the room, yet again, so she can only bring it back to me to chase down once more.

Luna brings so much laughter to our lives. She is the most loving, friendly four-legged creature you'll ever meet. She's full of wet, in-your-face kisses and the only time her tail isn't ferociously wagging is when she's snoozing. She's too smart for her own good, really, and while I do remember the days without her, I don't want to remember life without the pitter-patter of her paws walking on our floors and her hopping up on the back of the couch to watch the cars pass by while I'm getting ready for work. 

It's a lot of responsibility to bring a dog home. If I hadn't had Jonathan those first months, I'm not sure I would've made it. But I can only chuckle when I think about how far I've come. Jonathan was out of town a couple weeks ago for work, so it was just Luna & me. We had the greatest week ever and when he returned, Jonathan couldn't believe how attached she had become to me. 

If you don't have a dog but want one, really -- really -- weigh your pros and cons. You can make it, and you will make it. Shoot, you may absolutely love your dog from the get-go and never think twice about life as you knew it. But as many of you know, I'm the queen of second guessing my decisions, so I was just positive our lives were over. As time passed, I was positive that our lives were incomplete before our pup came along. 

Happy National Puppy Day! 

Sincerely,

Grateful

Today at work I was in a mood. Not awful, not great, just a mood. My coffee kept getting cold before I could finish it. If you can get a mental image of how frustrating that was, that's how my entire day went. 

I was letting very minuscule things bother me...some that were going on at work right in front of me, some that were just scenarios floating around in my mind. And then it hit me: there are people in the world who would love to snatch up my bad day and take it for their own. Those people in Brussels? Those people who went through a traumatic bombing this morning at the airport? Them. I'm sure they'd give anything to have not had to go through that and who would've gladly switched places with me at my desk. My throat got tight when I pictured their faces while all of that was happening. A cold chill whispered all over my body and my eyes welled up with tears when I pictured kids' eyes darting back and forth, trying to figure out what was going on. 

Those people would probably love to be at their desk having a bad day. But instead, that was what they dealt with today.

Why not me? Why not America? The world scares me.

Just two days ago we were at church, praying for our nation. We had absolutely no idea what was going to happen 48 hours later. We don't know what's going to happen in 2 days, much less 2 seconds. 

I just wanted to come on here to say that. 

Life is too short. Our next breath, nose sniffle, or eye blink isn't guaranteed. When things like this happen in our world it really puts things in perspective, doesn't it? I just dread bringing kids of my own into this scary place. I'm serious. I can't wait to be a mom, but man, I dread my kids having to see things like this before their own eyes.

My faith is what gets me through each day. I know that there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more and we'll see Jesus face to face. {listen here}

Until then, I'll hit the ground with my knees and pray. Pray hard. Love on the ones you love the most. Embrace the good days, the bad days...embrace all the days. I guarantee your bad day was far, far better than most. 

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Lord, Jesus, today we lift up tear streaked faces to You.

Evil is real. And evil is horrible.

But evil will not have the final word.

Lord, Jesus, help us know and be comforted and be empowered by this truth. 

We bend our knees and ask for You to unleash Your most tender mercies on the lives that have been devastated by the horror in Brussels. Let them know You are there in the midst with every comfort they need. Let them feel our prayers and our love. 

God, help this broken, sin-soaked world. Help us shine Your light in this terrible darkness.

‪#‎PrayForBrussels‬

~Lisa TerKeurst

Battling with Anxiety and How I Cope

*Disclaimer: I've never had anxiety to the place where I sought professional help. I realize mine isn't near as bad as some people I'm very close with, so I don't make light of any of their individual situations.*

Yes, you read that right...I am yet another young adult who battles with this horrible problem-turned- fad within the last 5 years and I hope by reading this you get a better understanding of what it's like to deal with anxiety, whether you've personally experienced it or not.

When I was in elementary and middle school, anxiety was just a word that I heard every once in a while...actually no, I don't recall ever really hearing the word, much less knowing anyone who dealt with it. But it was typically being used to describe someone who had problems and needed some sort of professional help. It wasn't that big of a deal and it definitely wasn't what it is today. I don't know if it's just that I was younger and don't remember it, or if it really wasn't a big deal back then. But I do remember it coming over me out of nowhere all of the sudden and it hasn't permanently left me alone since.

Before I dive into all of this, I must say something: it speaks a lot about our generation that so many of us deal with this. Don't you think? Why is it that all of a sudden so many people are anxious, depressed, self-harming, etc.? Is the pressure too high? Is too much expected of us? Is too little expected of us and we're just a selfish generation? Is it that we're nothing but teenagers and 20-somethings that are far too dramatic for our own good? Should we channel this negativity into something else rather than dwelling on the fact that something is messed up inside of us? I don't know. I don't know why the term anxiety has become such a fad in the last 5-7 years. What I do know is the word anxiety makes me anxious in itself. You don't have to believe me, but just typing the word makes my heart race.

I grew up in a beyond wonderful family and home. My home life was not bad, negative, scary, or dreadful. My home life was absolutely amazing and I saw people all around me who were not as fortunate. My parents did every thing in their power to ensure that I had everything I needed, and while I had everything and more that I needed, they still did an awesome job at making sure I remained humble. Wow. My parents are awesome. I've said it once and I'll say it again - the pressure of having children and making sure they're raised into decent human beings seems like too much pressure to EVER take on. So kudos to all of you parents out there who have good kids. I realize it isn't always an easy job.

So, I grew up in an awesome environment. Nothing triggered my anxiety until my freshman year of high school. It was nothing the teachers or students were doing, it was just that I had come from a very small middle school where, although we didn't all hang out on the weekends together, we were pretty much all friends to some extent. I woke up excited to go to school every day in middle school. I'm 22 now, so reflecting back on days that happened 9+ years ago makes me feel so stinking old! There was nothing in the world that could dampen my spirits back then. Sure, I got into arguments with my friends and parents, and there were days I should've studied harder to get a better grade on that test, but nothing was ever bad. Life was good.

Enter: freshman year at MCHS. Like I said up there, it wasn't the teachers or students, it was just the size of the school. It wasn't bad at first, but as time progressed, things got worse.  I remember getting to school as late as I possibly could once I could drive, walking in with my head down and eyes on the ground, cheeks flushed because I was so nervous, and making a quick stop at my locker--just praying the bell would go ahead and ring so I wouldn't have to try to find an acquaintance in the Commons to visit with before class. This is the first time I ever remember having anxiety. And I think I put on a pretty good show most of the time. This was going on inside of me and I'm not sure if anyone even knew. There were days I did make it back out to the main room to visit with my friends. But wow. It was an obstacle and I dreaded walking into that building every single day.

I was always the kid who, when we had to read a paragraph person by person out loud in class, I counted the number of people in front of me, translated that to the number of paragraphs after the one we were currently on, and rehearsed my paragraph until I was sure I could get through it without choking. I'm an extroverted introvert, meaning I'm not painfully shy..I just prefer being alone or keeping to myself. So it wasn't that I couldn't read out loud, or read well for that matter. It was just the thought of reading out loud in front of 20+ people sent me into panic mode.

I've never had a panic attack. If I let myself dwell, I could. But I get myself out of my head in enough time when I'm feeling anxiety come on that I've never mentally let myself get to that spot.

And that's another thing. Anxiety IS in our heads most of the time. It's a mental illness, and some experience it so much worse than I do. It's in our heads because we let it be there. Now, on the flip side of that, I don't think it's always something we bring upon ourselves. Why? Because there are days I wake up, put my feet on the ground and already feel it creeping in my bones. I don't wake up having the thought, "Let's be anxious today!" No. I never want it. And I don't sit in big groups of people hoping it comes over me. It's when I let it win over me that it's in my head. Our thoughts are our reality. If we dwell on the anxiety, it becomes our reality and in a dangerous way.

I loathed high school up until my senior year. That's when I fell in love (rather, what I believed was love) and everything was good in my world most of the time. He and I fought like cats and dogs -- what do 18 year olds have to fight about, anyways? Haha. I just sit here, sigh-smile and shake my head thinking back..but I was in a relationship and finally! it was like I could overcome what was going on inside of me. Except not really, because we broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together...and the cycle continued halfway through my freshman year of college. This caused me to be a crazy person. My friends cringed from the sidelines, watching me stumble my way through those detrimental 2-ish years, but loved me through it as best as they knew how. And if any of you are reading this right now: thank you for being my friend through all of that.

I don't remember much about high school, to be honest. When I think back, I see a few moments that are like photographs in my mind. Hilariously enough, I can picture the first (and ONLY) speaking encounter I ever had with Jonathan. I remember having the flu at my senior basketball homecoming but forcing myself to go, because I literally thought the world would quit turning if I didn't make it. I remember enjoying Choir. That's honestly about it. What I remember most? Okay...what I do remember was feeling like I was constantly walking through a tunnel. Tunnel vision to the extreme, if you will. It was like if I could just walk to my next class and not make eye contact with anyone I would be safe until the next time the bell rang. Lunch in the cafeteria was a nightmare. I sat towards the back at the end of the table near the doors...just incase I had to get out quickly. After I entered my four digit ID number signifying I had paid for my food, my heart would start to race. Finding a table with familiar faces and making it there without slipping was my biggest hurdle to jump. If I could just focus on my feet...one foot in front of the other...walking with my tray - white knuckles and all - to my seat, I would be safe for the next 16 minutes or however long lunch was after waiting in line for some stale pizza.

If I could just make it through fourth block, I was done for the day. Anxiety wasn't such a worldy issue back then, so I didn't really think anything of it. I kinda just thought I was a weird kid who had some internal issues. With her permssion, I will tell you this. My best friend, Morgan, dealt with anxiety and panic attacks. To me, her case was to the extreme. Since I was so unfamiliar with the concept, I thought what she went through was the only form of anxiety. She went through a LOT. Morgs, if you're reading this, you're one of the strongest people I know. I love you!  So since I didn't really know what was going on with me, I just brushed off the clammy, shaky hands and heart racing feeling I had so many moments of every day. The bell would ring, I'd grab my books and head to my car - hoping and praying I wouldn't come in contact with anyone I'd have to talk to. And finally I was Home. Free. 

Having anxiety is exhausting. Mine is caused by fear. I'm afraid of big crowds. I'm afraid of driving. I'm afraid of passing semi trucks while driving. I'm afraid of any form of transportation, really. I'm afraid of getting sick. I'm afraid of big animals. I'm afraid of losing my job. I'm afraid of going broke. I'm afraid of so much that you all can't even begin to understand. But the way I cope? I take it to God. For real...He knows every pain, every fear, every gut-clenching moment that sends me into turmoil, every day I wake up with my heart already racing...


And He doesn't think I'm crazy. 

That. That is the most comforting thing. There are days I totally let my anxiety win out. My throat gets tight, I get teary eyed, my heart races and I HAVE to get home where I'm safe. This happened to me three weeks ago at church. I left early because I couldn't sit still in my seat any longer. On those days, I feel like a failure. I cry, and Jonathan holds me and tells me tomorrow will be better. (Have I mentioned how amazing he is? He's never felt any form of anxiety a day in his life but he tries to understand for my benefit.) But the best part about those days is that I know Who holds my tomorrows. My God reigns. My God is in control. My God is awesome.

I was driving to Paducah just yesterday and had to call Jonathan because I was feeling really overwhelmed and anxious. He talked me through it until I got my car parked. Traffic was bad so I was in panic mode. I don't know why I panic. If I'm going to wreck, I'm going to wreck. You know? 

And then I went to Ulta, and the tunnel vision thing started again. It just comes out of nowhere. It's hard to explain. I didn't let it win out; I dealt with it, but got out as soon as I could. Once I was back in my car by myself, it was like I was safe again.

I hope I don't sound really stupid to any who are reading...I'm just writing in hopes that if any of this resonates with you, please know that you aren't alone.

I know I'm free and I've had moments with God where I never thought this would be an issue inside of me ever again. I trust in Him and my faith is what gets me through the anxiousness. But sometimes, like I said earlier, I wake up and it's already there. Those are the days I try my hardest to persevere. Life with anxiety is weird, it's always up in the air, it's always uncertain. If you deal with it, you understand.

I'm still trying to figure out how to be the best Me. I definitely don't have it figured out, even though I really wish I did. The days that I have weird, panicky anxiety come over me...that isn't the best version of Me. I'm a kind, gentle person who has really odd, intriguing interests. Anxiety shouldn't be a part of my life. So when it shows up, I TRY to kick it to the curb. It doesn't always go down that way, but I'm trying. Be your best you. There are days it will win. It's all about effort. You can overcome this. We can overcome this! Life is going to happen, and whether we make the best of it is up to us.

I just really encourage you to pray, open the Word, dive into it and find some sort of Truth if you can relate to this. And even if you can't...it never hurts to pray, open the Word, dive into it and find some sort of Truth. :)

Sincerely,

Abby

Abby

I go through weird phases where I write every day and then don't write for months. If you've stuck around for a while, you know that and accept me for who I am. So for that, I thank you! I've never thought my writing would help anyone...I just like to do it for the pure fact that I enjoy it. But almost every time after I write, someone messages me telling me it was just what they needed to hear. So I continue to click the Publish button--nervous every single time that it won't translate well, or someone will think I'm nothing more than a black sheep trying to find a purpose in the world.

I was thinking the other day about my writing...and you know those posts or quizzes or whatever they may be where you get to tell 20 random things about yourself? I'm a sucker for those! I love writing them. Like - my favorite color is purple. My hair is naturally curly. I consume more lemonade than any human ever should and at a very dangerous rate. Possibly even more than coffee. I love all foods except bananas. I am head over heels in love with Jonathan...etc. And all of these are good things - in fact, all of these are wonderful things. It's so fun to learn about others.  
But as I was thinking about those types of posts that I love to write, I thought to myself, "Do the people who read this blog really know me? What I believe? What I don't?" ... The truth is, sometimes I don't even know myself like I think I do. Keep reading to try to understand me a little bit deeper. I sense that this will be ALL over the place. So if it's too much for you...just click the 'X' in the top right corner or the little red dot in the top left corner (Windows and Mac friendly, you see) and I'll catch ya next time. :) 

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Hi. I'm Abby. Little things make me happier than you could ever imagine - like holding my baby cousin and seeing her eyes crinkle at the corners when she smiles, laughing until tears fall with my sister who, although 7 years younger, gets me like no other sister could, sitting in the kitchen on the creaky white stool and talking with my mom while she cooks supper for our family, shaking our heads and smiling about crazy furniture customers over a cup of coffee with my dad, laughing at our dog with my husband while 'Friends' plays in the background...

but there's more to my life than lots of laughter and good times. 

Sometimes I have really, really bad days.

I have days where the mere thought of life overwhelms me to a scary level and I get choked up about thinking of leaving the house. 

I have scary thoughts like, "What if something happens to me or Jonathan today and we left the house not even mad at each other, just in a hurry?"

I have moments where I dwell on the fact that this country is in a scary place and NEEDS revival in the most desperate way but I feel like my prayers and place in the world could never be enough.

I don't hate guns. I actually am for them. But sometimes I wonder if it's safe for anyone under the sun to have one because you never know who's going to go crazy and shoot a place up because he or she was having a rough day. So I understand both sides of that argument. 

In fact, when I go out anywhere, I make sure I've noted all of the nearest exits in case of an emergency. It's a level of paranoia and anxiety I don't discuss because it makes me sound nothing less than crazy...but it's true. 
The concerts Jonathan and I go to? I love them more than I can explain...but I check the exits and make sure I can get out in case of an emergency every single time. 

I have friends but feel totally misunderstood in the world. In fact, the VERY fact that I have friends and a husband who all love me blows my mind because I am very different than any other person I know. 

It freaks me out that I'm old enough to be having children and have friends who have children. The thought of raising a human who is polite, has manners and gets somewhere in the world almost sends me into crazy-woman mode because the pressure of it all seems unbearable! 

If I've ever sold you furniture and didn't know you outside of the furniture store, you saw Performance Abby. From 9-5 it's ~*showtime*~ and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I am very quiet; in situations where I have an opinion I still prefer to keep to myself. Something about waiting on a stranger and selling them something is addicting and fun, but it's also nerve wracking and pressure-filled to someone who isn't in love with talking...even talking to the ones to whom she's closest. 

The wheels in my head NEVER. STOP. TURNING. Even in my quietest hours, I'm probably over-thinking something. It isn't something that I've ever even considered trying to change about myself. I'm just always wondering about things and people and what's going on and what would happen if this changed and...you get it. 

Politics exhaust me. My family is full of both conservatives and liberals. I have friends who are conservatives. I have friends who are liberals. And the truth of it all is PEOPLE WILL NEVER AGREE! NOTHING...I repeat - NOTHING - will ever change the fact that people view things differently. I lay low on politics because I'm not too prideful to admit it...someone could put me in my place real quick with their knowledge on the subject. I try to vote biblically and I try to keep up with what's going on as best as I can...but the outrage and disagreements this politics season has caused is pure insanity. Does ANYONE agree with me on this?! I will be VERY honest and vulnerable here. I truly do see both sides - I understand why the conservatives believe what they believe and the same for those who consider themselves liberal. I just wish we wouldn't be so quick to hate on those whose beliefs don't line up completely with ours. I can have a friend who believes 100% differently than I do. I truly can. I want people to know that. Because when you identify with one political party, people are quick to throw you into a generic pool of people and the truth is, people may agree on certain things, but that doesn't make us all robots who are the same in every aspect of life. Does any of that make sense?

I'm in a constant battle with my body and the way I look. And I'm always so freaked out by what people think of me. I read people very well, but I NEVER know what people are thinking about me and it sends me into a panic sometimes. It's something I've always struggled with. Wondering what others think about you will cut you to the core. And last but not least,

I second guess almost every decision I make. Like what nail color to get (first world probs)--Sometimes even down to what I'm going to drink with my meal ..and my family loves to poke fun at me for that one!

So, with the risk of this being a long post where I did nothing but ramble, there you have it. Those are a few things that came to my mind when I got to thinking - do these people actually know me? Those aren't all the things that make me different, just some of them. 

I am generally a happy person. My good days far outnumber my bad ones. But sometimes you just have a bad day and these are some of the quirks that make mine bad.

Those crinkles in the corners of Liza's eyes..the times when EG and I get going and we're annoying everyone around us but we're laughing so hard that we don't care...those conversations I have with my mom in the kitchen...those moments where my dad and I can only shake our heads and 'sigh-smile' over our job and the people we come in contact with...those nights where Luna is being crazy but hilarious and I catch Jonathan laughing from the pit of his gut with his nose crinkled -- those are the moments I live for. Those are the moments that make my life so overwhelmingly amazing. Those are the moments that get me through the bad times. Find your moments.

Sincerely,

Abby 

The Slump

*It's taking forever and a day to redirect these posts to my new domain, so I'm just copying and pasting. This was from November 2015*

Sometimes you write every day for months on end. Sometimes you go through The Slump and don't write for months...it somehow always balances out in the end.

So here I am...really soaking in my Day Off and laying under the covers in my stretchy pants that I really take advantage of on the day I don't work. The lighting is dim, it's cloudy outside. The hubs is playing video games in the other room. The puppy is sprawled out in his lap snoozing her life away. And life is good.

But it hasn't been. Yep. You read it right. I have a job, a house, food, a husband who loves me more than words, a cute little family complete with a fur baby, all the materialistic possessions I need..and it hasn't been good. Why? Alright...here it goes...

I was raised in a Christian home, where church on Sundays wasn't optional and even though I had homework on Wednesday night, I was picking up my Bible and going to Wednesday Night Youth. It was my life. I prayed before every meal, I knew all the current worship songs and I understood God worked everything together for my good because I loved Him. I was (am) a Christian and I knew (know) that if God is for me, who can be against me?

And then I went to college, and then I got engaged, and then I got married. And then Jonathan and I had our one year anniversary. And everything was a fairytale and perfect and amazing. And then The Slump hit.

For the past 2 months, my routine has been eating me alive. I would go to bed exhausted and wake up exhausted. I knew something was wrong but I didn't want to talk about it with anyone because either: 1) they wouldn't believe me, or 2) they would think less of me. I would look at Jonathan and snap at him with no warning. And then no apology after. Am I a terrible person yet? He didn't think so. And God DEFINITELY didn't think so. And THAT, friends reading, is the beauty of grace.

Jonathan finally sat me down (ok, I was actually lying in bed because I already told you...I've been so. exhausted. and so all I could do was lay down and cry) and he forced me to talk.

"What's been up with you?" he finally asked--and almost in a leery, please don't snap at me again voice.

"Jonathan...I don't know. Things are just different." And then he finally said it and I agreed almost instantly because THANK GOODNESS he said it for me and I didn't have to muster up the courage to say the words...I had been under attack. Yep. I know it for a fact. Have you ever just felt weighed down by the world and its standards? The things you love most become the most dreaded parts of your day. Don't even get me started on your weaknesses...because where you're weak, you become even weaker when you're being attacked like this. Satan had been attacking me from the inside out--literally, I felt myself shriveling to nothingness on the inside and it was showing on the outside-and it was wearing.me.down. Quite frankly, it was wearing everyone around me down too.
I think had it gone on much longer I would've gone somewhere darker and scarier than I've ever been in my life. Thankfully my husband saw warning signs and practically pulled the words straight out of my mouth with his bare hands. He made me talk it out so I could throw it far, far away and receive healing right then and there. I am so blessed to have a man that knows when I'm struggling spiritually. It hurts me to admit it because I'm prideful and have almost always had the Put Together Christian Act perfected to a T.

But I'm just writing to tell you...it's okay to hit The Slump. Have you been feeling it lately? I'm praying for you right now. I'm praying that someone, something, somewhere, somehow will allow you to talk it out...or you can even pray it out to God right now! If you've ever felt like there's NO ONE to talk to about this kind of stuff, there is. There's a God in heaven just waiting for you to confess your deepest secrets, your worst mistakes, your most hurtful trials. He WILL bring you up and he WILL bring you out. I decided to write it out because I felt like someone needed to see that we who claim to be Christians definitely don't have it all together. You probably know it anyways, but from someone who tries so hard to be perfect, and fails at it so much, I thought it'd be nice to hear it again. I struggle daily. But there is grace for that. There is always grace for that. Your Slump will not last forever.

I'm hoping this encouraged someone out there. Even those of us who claim to have faith--and it may just be the size of a mustard seed--we still go through really hard times. I have been set free. Not many knew I was struggling. But those of you who did, thank you for talking me through it. Thank you for praying for me. And Jonathan, thank you for still loving me and caring enough about me to ask what's wrong with me. I love you guys! There is always hope. There is always grace. Soak it in and take advantage of it.

Sincerely,

Abby