The Slump

*It's taking forever and a day to redirect these posts to my new domain, so I'm just copying and pasting. This was from November 2015*

Sometimes you write every day for months on end. Sometimes you go through The Slump and don't write for months...it somehow always balances out in the end.

So here I am...really soaking in my Day Off and laying under the covers in my stretchy pants that I really take advantage of on the day I don't work. The lighting is dim, it's cloudy outside. The hubs is playing video games in the other room. The puppy is sprawled out in his lap snoozing her life away. And life is good.

But it hasn't been. Yep. You read it right. I have a job, a house, food, a husband who loves me more than words, a cute little family complete with a fur baby, all the materialistic possessions I need..and it hasn't been good. Why? Alright...here it goes...

I was raised in a Christian home, where church on Sundays wasn't optional and even though I had homework on Wednesday night, I was picking up my Bible and going to Wednesday Night Youth. It was my life. I prayed before every meal, I knew all the current worship songs and I understood God worked everything together for my good because I loved Him. I was (am) a Christian and I knew (know) that if God is for me, who can be against me?

And then I went to college, and then I got engaged, and then I got married. And then Jonathan and I had our one year anniversary. And everything was a fairytale and perfect and amazing. And then The Slump hit.

For the past 2 months, my routine has been eating me alive. I would go to bed exhausted and wake up exhausted. I knew something was wrong but I didn't want to talk about it with anyone because either: 1) they wouldn't believe me, or 2) they would think less of me. I would look at Jonathan and snap at him with no warning. And then no apology after. Am I a terrible person yet? He didn't think so. And God DEFINITELY didn't think so. And THAT, friends reading, is the beauty of grace.

Jonathan finally sat me down (ok, I was actually lying in bed because I already told you...I've been so. exhausted. and so all I could do was lay down and cry) and he forced me to talk.

"What's been up with you?" he finally asked--and almost in a leery, please don't snap at me again voice.

"Jonathan...I don't know. Things are just different." And then he finally said it and I agreed almost instantly because THANK GOODNESS he said it for me and I didn't have to muster up the courage to say the words...I had been under attack. Yep. I know it for a fact. Have you ever just felt weighed down by the world and its standards? The things you love most become the most dreaded parts of your day. Don't even get me started on your weaknesses...because where you're weak, you become even weaker when you're being attacked like this. Satan had been attacking me from the inside out--literally, I felt myself shriveling to nothingness on the inside and it was showing on the outside-and it was wearing.me.down. Quite frankly, it was wearing everyone around me down too.
I think had it gone on much longer I would've gone somewhere darker and scarier than I've ever been in my life. Thankfully my husband saw warning signs and practically pulled the words straight out of my mouth with his bare hands. He made me talk it out so I could throw it far, far away and receive healing right then and there. I am so blessed to have a man that knows when I'm struggling spiritually. It hurts me to admit it because I'm prideful and have almost always had the Put Together Christian Act perfected to a T.

But I'm just writing to tell you...it's okay to hit The Slump. Have you been feeling it lately? I'm praying for you right now. I'm praying that someone, something, somewhere, somehow will allow you to talk it out...or you can even pray it out to God right now! If you've ever felt like there's NO ONE to talk to about this kind of stuff, there is. There's a God in heaven just waiting for you to confess your deepest secrets, your worst mistakes, your most hurtful trials. He WILL bring you up and he WILL bring you out. I decided to write it out because I felt like someone needed to see that we who claim to be Christians definitely don't have it all together. You probably know it anyways, but from someone who tries so hard to be perfect, and fails at it so much, I thought it'd be nice to hear it again. I struggle daily. But there is grace for that. There is always grace for that. Your Slump will not last forever.

I'm hoping this encouraged someone out there. Even those of us who claim to have faith--and it may just be the size of a mustard seed--we still go through really hard times. I have been set free. Not many knew I was struggling. But those of you who did, thank you for talking me through it. Thank you for praying for me. And Jonathan, thank you for still loving me and caring enough about me to ask what's wrong with me. I love you guys! There is always hope. There is always grace. Soak it in and take advantage of it.

Sincerely,

Abby